PolySciFi Blog

Sunday, February 01, 2009


What Jody Sees When He Listens to Music

Pretty much my whole life I've gotten my jollies out of reinterpreting lyrics to songs to tell a radically different story which then gets vividly played out in my mind everytime I hear the song.

For instance in 7th grade I used to go around and tell the other kids that "Yesterday" was actually Paul's lament about suddenly losing a testicle which drove away the woman he loved ("Suddenly, I'm not half the man I used to be..." "Yesterday, love was such an easy game to play...") though as Matt and Mike may be able to attest, I would also change "Oh, yesterday came suddenly" to "Oh, castration came suddenly" as I thought it added to the effect.

So now whenever I hear Yesterday on the radio, I flash on a younger Paul McCartney lying in a hospital bed (now half the man) breaking down in tears while a stunning brunette walks out the door.

To ruin more music for you, here's what I think about / see when I hear a few other songs.

You're a Woman, Izer
(link) Britney discovers her female friend nicknamed "Izer" on the dance floor and confronts her because Izer likes to dress up like a man, seduce women, and then spring the "surprise" on them back at Izer's place. Nonetheless, because of her latent bisexuality, Britney wonders if Izer and her could be a couple, but because of the world's homophobia, it could never be.

Dolores O'Riordan's Stinky Coma Boyfriend
(link) Dolores's boyfriend was in a near fatal car accident which left him blind and deaf, and completely paralyzed except for his anal sphincter and some sensation in his finger. She now communicates with her boyfriend via a form of Morse code where she tugs on his finger and he farts.

Yesterday, however, Dolores came into his room to see him communicating with his ex - a fact that disturbs her so greatly she confronts him (as best as someone can be confronted via finger pulling, farting Morse code). He, however, is confused about who he should be with (the age-old current versus ex dilemma holds even for coma-boy), so he somewhat passive-aggressively tries to drive Dolores away by letting them "linger".

The Chilli Peppers Come Out of the Closet
(link) Anthony Kiedis contemplates Flea's ultimatum that if they're going to continue to be together, Anthony is going to have to go beyond just backstage oral flings and move their relationship into the open and, ahem, "take it on the other side". More a bi-player than a gay homemaker, Anthony does not relish the envisioned side-splitting pain from anal or the potential lost female loves - the latter because he thinks that societal pressures will prevent him from effectively switching teams again. However, he does not want to give up Flea either. Confused, Anthony, repeatedly contemplates suicide.

Sure they may not all work perfectly, but I think they work better than the Dark Side of Oz, which I imagine a lot of you paid money to see. And with my shlock, the images indelibly burned into your brain came for free.


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