PolySciFi Blog

Tuesday, January 17, 2006


Jonathon The Impaler

Best. Gubernatorial candidate. Ever. Let me introduce you to Jonathon Sharkey, who is running for governor of Minnesota. From his campaign site:
Honesty is very seldom heard nowadays, especially from a politician. So, I am going to break from political tradition. My name is Jonathon “The Impaler” Sharkey, Ph.D., L.D.D.D. I am a Satanic Dark Priest, Sanguinarian Vampyre and a Hecate Witch. My Magikal Path name is: Lord Ares.

I despise and hate the Christian God the Father. He is my enemy.

However, it doesn't mean that I hate all his followers.
Wow. And here's the best part of his platform:

Any one found committing an act of terrorism in Minnesota will be IMPALED by me at the State Capital. If the US DOJ wants to prosecute me for it, then I will take my chances in Court, for I do not believe an American Jury will convict me of brutally killing a terrorist!
That said, he also plans to block the federal government from sending any more Minnesota National Guardsmen to Iraq. I draw two lessons from his campaign:

  1. You don't have to support the war in Iraq to be tough on terror.
  2. When it comes to running for office in the United States, actively professing any religion is a better idea than atheism.

Seriously, check out this guy's campaign site (his photos are AWESOME). My favorite doomed political campaign used to be the guy who ran for Lieutenant Governor of California on a one-issue platform: legalizing ferrets as household pets. But Jonathan Sharkey has just won my vote.

H/T Wonkette.


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