Thursday, August 19, 2004
Kerry the cartoon candidate
Sometimes I wonder if I live in cartoon world. So many flat characters.
For example, a couple of weeks ago, the onion runs this article on the Kerry one-point plan for improving America - remove Bush and the nation improves in every possible way. At the time I thought that the Onion was being satirical, but now I'm not so certain.
Taking the Onion's satirical theme to the logical extreme, Kerry would then have to believe that everything that Bush does or says is bad, therefore, Kerry should oppose every Bush initiative.
So earlier this week, Bush proposed that we bring home most of our troops we have in Germany and a good bit of our troops from South Korea. Particularly in light of the end of the cold war, it seems like a pretty good idea. So good, in fact, that a couple weeks earlier Kerry had proposed what sound like the same thing in an interview with George Stephanopoulos: (link):
So which option did Kerry choose in his speech yesterday at the VFW? Yup, the cartoonish partisan response.
So if anyone at the white house is reading this blog [ed - you are on crack, aren't you? - No comment. I have to gu check on something... uhhh... on my stove.], I have a "secret plan" for guaranteeing victory for Bush. Ahh... what the heck I can't keep secrets.
To guarantee victory, Bush needs to put out an initiative in support of mom and apple pie.
If my Kerry-is-a-cartoon-of-a-candidate theory holds up, the next day there will be an announcement from the Kerry campaign decrying Bush's antifeminist (how dare Bush implicitly encourage women to choose family over career) and obesity-encouraging initiative.
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For example, a couple of weeks ago, the onion runs this article on the Kerry one-point plan for improving America - remove Bush and the nation improves in every possible way. At the time I thought that the Onion was being satirical, but now I'm not so certain.
Taking the Onion's satirical theme to the logical extreme, Kerry would then have to believe that everything that Bush does or says is bad, therefore, Kerry should oppose every Bush initiative.
So earlier this week, Bush proposed that we bring home most of our troops we have in Germany and a good bit of our troops from South Korea. Particularly in light of the end of the cold war, it seems like a pretty good idea. So good, in fact, that a couple weeks earlier Kerry had proposed what sound like the same thing in an interview with George Stephanopoulos: (link):
[1]10:46:54 GEORGE STEPHANOPOULOS (ABC NEWS)So when Bush announces a similar plan, what are Kerry's possible reactions? The non-partisan response is: "Good idea. If elected I will ensure that this plan is seen through." The partisan, but consistent, response is : "Good idea. I'm glad Bush is finally catching up to me." The cartoonish partisan response would be: "That's a horrible idea. Bush is again undermining our national security."
(OC) Can you promise that American troops will be home by the end of your first term?
[1]10:46:57 SENATOR JOHN F. KERRY (DEMOCRATIC PRESIDENTIAL NOMINEE)
I will have significant, enormous reduction in the level of troops. We will probably have a continued presence of some kind, certainly in the region. If the diplomacy that I believe can be put in place can work, I think we can significantly change the deployment of troops, not just there but elsewhere in the world. In the Korean peninsula perhaps, in Europe perhaps.
So which option did Kerry choose in his speech yesterday at the VFW? Yup, the cartoonish partisan response.
Finally, I want to say something about the plan that the President announced on Monday to withdraw 70,000 troops from Asia and Europe. Nobody wants to bring troops home more than those of us who have fought in foreign wars. But it needs to be done at the right time and in a sensible way. This is not that time or that way.I have some more specific criticisms of the speech, but those just make Kerry look pathetic and not cartoonish (the point of this post).Let’s be clear: the President’s vaguely stated plan does not strengthen our hand in the war against terror. And in no way relieves the strain on our overextended military personnel. And this hastily announced plan raises more doubts about our intentions and our commitments than it provides real answers.
So if anyone at the white house is reading this blog [ed - you are on crack, aren't you? - No comment. I have to gu check on something... uhhh... on my stove.], I have a "secret plan" for guaranteeing victory for Bush. Ahh... what the heck I can't keep secrets.
To guarantee victory, Bush needs to put out an initiative in support of mom and apple pie.
If my Kerry-is-a-cartoon-of-a-candidate theory holds up, the next day there will be an announcement from the Kerry campaign decrying Bush's antifeminist (how dare Bush implicitly encourage women to choose family over career) and obesity-encouraging initiative.
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